James' Big Mistake
by Auror Lupin
Summary: James leaves for the Quidditch Festival and leaves Sirius to look after the pregnant Lily. Televisions, Le Maz, and Labor just may be too much for Sirius.


A/N: I do not own anything you recognize. It belongs to the lovely J.K. Rowling who I worship for giving me something to do in my spare time :O) Please R/R  
  
James' Big Mistake Ch.1  
  
  
  
The look on his charming, beautiful, and extremely pregnant wife's face was enough to tell James Potter that he was going to have to do quite a bit of groveling for this. It also told him that even with the extensive amount of groveling, he was going to have to spend a fairly large amount of time and money shopping for sickeningly cute stuffed animals who looked suspiciously happy and chocolates housed in heart shaped boxes. Worse yet cuddling for long hours on the couch could be seen in the all to near future. Yes, this was going to be bad.  
  
"Let me get this straight," Lily said, her annoyance and disapproval creeping into her voice as she put a hand on her hip in a 'you are in for it' gesture, "You are going to some stupid Quidditch carnival...and you are leaving me with him?!" she asked, pointing a finger at his best friend Sirius Black who sat at the kitchen table, a half eaten sandwich hanging out of his mouth. He was flipping through the pregnancy book that Lily had purchased a few months prior, but James had a feeling he was just looking for dirty pictures and snickering over the word gonad.  
  
James looked at his shoes, choosing his words carefully in this highly explosive situation. Lily glared at James, the wheels in her head turning as she devised just how he was going to make this up to her. Sirius knocked his plate to the floor, spilling crumbs and bits of chicken all over the floor that Lily had just spent an hour and a half cleaning. This was looking ugly, time for the guilt approach. "But darling...it's the International Qudditch Festival!" he pointed out, "It only happens once every five years! I didn't go the last time because you made me spend that delightful weekend with your parents, remember my love?"  
  
Lily's expression went from annoyed to murderous in a fraction of a second and out of the corner of his eye, James saw Sirius dive beneath the table to clean up the mess he had made. Either that or to take cover in case Lily exploded. Apparently the 'my love' comment did not win any points. "Oh really..." she started her voice deadly, "So Quidditch is more important than your wife?? How could I have been so incredibly selfish! I mean, it's the International Quidditch Festival! Allow me to put my pregnancy on hold for this event of utmost importance!" she hissed.  
  
"Hey Lil, this book says that angry emotions aren't good for the baby, it said you should learn how to channel your anger into more productive-" In two strides Lily had closed in on him, like the cunning lioness cornering the helpless and brainless antelope. She towered over him, and James saw the fear creep into Sirius' features. He vaguely wondered how much pain she would inflict on him if she was to knock him upside the head with her protruding belly. He would probably be out cold for an hour or so...not that that would be funny or anything.  
  
"Who are you kidding Sirius, you're just looking at the sex positions section." she snapped, yanking the book from his grasp. "That's so untrue. I was reading about the emotional and physical advantages of prepared child birth." he answered quickly. But the convenient distraction had only temporary effects and all too quickly Lily had turned back around to James, the book clutched tightly in her hand. "They talked about this in chapter nine! You're trying to cause a temporary rift between us because I'm too hormonal!" she accused, shoving the book under his nose.  
  
James quickly held up his hands as if to ward off the idea. "No no honey, I don't think you're hormonal at all, you're so.....sweet tempered." Lily raised a brow and for a moment he thought that he was out of hot water but then she dropped the bomb. "You're leaving me with SIRIUS!" she screeched and he winced. "You could have at least left me with Remus. He understands my emotional needs."  
  
Sirius snickered. "Remus is such a woman."  
  
"He's a sensitive man. You should take a few notes from him and maybe then you wouldn't have to pick up all of your dates at Madame Telsa's House of Ill Repute." Sirius looked indignant at the comment. "I'm very in touch with my emotions!"  
  
"You named your motor cycle the Black Bitch." she pointed out.  
  
Sirius had no response.  
  
"Maybe I should have married Remus! He doesn't find joy in flying through the air on phallic shaped objects and fondling balls." In one shot Lily had managed to insult their manhood and Quidditch, a crime punishable by about two nights of coming home stone drunk, singing and attempting to have sexual relations with the neighbors cat before passing out on the lawn in only boxers. Sirius looked particularly dumbfounded, either he was too shocked by the unwarranted attack on his masculinity, or he was pondering what "phallic" meant.  
  
"Honey please? I promise I'll make it up to you. It's just I really want to go to this...very bad! I won't even stay the whole week, I'll come home early. And you won't be alone if anything happens, Sirius will be with you and he'll let me know." somehow Lily didn't seem very comforted by that fact but the look that meant immense physical pain was slowly ebbing away.  
  
"How long?" she asked, crossing her arms.  
  
"Six days?"  
  
"Five."  
  
"Done." James said and with a happy bounce in his step he leaned over to kiss her on the head before launching up the stairs with amazing speed in case she changed her mind. Lily sighed as an arm draped over her shoulders and Sirius' voice sounded. "Just think Lils, five whole days just you and me!" She was about to respond with a very witty comeback when something in the other room apparently sparked Sirius interest because he grabbed her hand and hauled her with him into the living room.  
  
He stopped, pointing at the television that her father had dropped off the day before as an "Early present for the baby" pointing out that no home, muggle or wizard should be without a television. James seemed to like it a bit too much, he had always commented on her father's prized big screen TV and when he came home to find one wired into the wall, Lily thought he would wet himself. She didn't see the fact that his eyes would become fixated on it with the remote glued to his hand. Apparently Sirius was interested as well.  
  
"Isn't this one of those...things? We learned about them in Muggle Studies." he asked, walking around it and running his hand over the screen. "It's a television Siri." She answered, dropping onto the couch and sighing. "How do you turn it on?" Sirius asked, pressing every button he could see. "With the remote." Lily answered, picking it up off the table and pointing it at the television. Her finger hit the red button and instantly the TV flicked to life and a black and white Three Stooges Episode came on.  
  
Sirius watched, transfixed as Larry whacked Curly atop the head with the sole of his shoe and burst out laughing. "Lils! This stuff is great! I'm going to have to write some of this down!" he said, planting himself directly in front of the TV with his eyes wide and unblinking. "Sirius dear, you might want to move back a tad bit, your brains might get sucked out of your head...plus it's bad for your eyes." she advised as his forehead made contact with the glass screen. Over head, her husband's cheerful hum could be heard as he haphazardly stuffed items of his wardrobe into his suitcase.  
  
"Make sure you pack that lotion.for your rash! We don't want it getting out of control now do we darling?" she shouted up the stairs, quite pleased when the humming stopped, only to be replaced with a grumble. "Lotion?" Sirius asked, turning his head around like an owl. Lily grinned, quite pleased with herself. "Yes my dear James has a bit of a sore bottom, and you will too if I have to drag you away from that set by the back of your robes." She answered, smiling innocently.  
  
"Woah there Lily darling. If we're going to spend five fun filled days in each other's company I don't think we should start off on such bad terms! No threats of bodily injury are needed." He pointed out, getting up from the floor and sitting next to her on the couch as the credits for The Three Stooges rolled by on the screen. "Ah! Where'd the funny guys go?" he asked, alarmed.  
  
"The show is over." Lily said, patting his hand in mock sympathy. "Here, let me see when it will be on again." She reached over and picked up the preview guide her father had left and flipped to the listings section. Her heart dropped as The Three Stooges Marathon stretched across the weeks worth of listings. "Aw, look at that. It was the final episode on that channel. I guess that means you won't be able to watch it again, what a shame." She said.  
  
Sirius pouted before what she said dawned on him. "There's more channels!?" he shrieked, snatching the remote control and hitting the channel button. Lily scowled. "La Maz.deep healing breaths. In with the good out with the bad." She whispered to herself, but Dr. La Maz was not being left alone with a man who had just discovered the joys of television.  
  
"JAMES!!!" 


End file.
